thisbrotha with a realmind

no emotions from a king

my mind is racing. mixed Emotions but what do they say?

no emotions from a king.

this king is full of emotion and Mixed feelings. how is one to

express

these feelings of judgment and neglect. Not by family.

Not by friends. but

by self, self-neglect - worry about another and themself.

my mind is racing. mixed Emotions but what do they say?

no. emotions. from. a. king!

Well, as many know, or may not know. I’m in New York City. I was selected as a Summer Teaching Fellow for Uncommon Schools and Achievement First. (www.uncommonschools.org and www.achievementfirst.org :: Check out the sites.) Each respective organizations are like cousins to each other in the movement to decrease the achievement gap in urban education areas or what some like to say “at risk”. I’m not going to use that term, but I’m just going to note that I will be educating my fellow people and doing the work that should be taken seriously. This will be a daily blog of what I am doing and seeing in the BIG APPLE. Sheesh! I’m excited. I’m going keep a daily recollection of what happen each day and I want you to comment share. contact me. correct me. challenge me. and really appreciate and love the ones who are in the classroom educating the future. seriously. This shit is no joke. I’m not going to apologize nor censor myself on this blog. I’m going to say what I feel. how I feel. and when I feel. I may blog at 4:08pm. or maybe even blog at 3:23am. I’m not here to appease you or may you feel comfortable. I’m here to document my journey and grow as an educator in the classrooms that need us. this country needs us. I’m going recap what I have done the last 4 days when I get my computer back. OF COURSE, there is something always going on with SalliDoRight (for those who don’t know. that is my computer’s name - or like my mom likes to call it ::the little white bitch::) lol. 

Wednesday 2June2010.

I had my wisdom teeth removed. that shit HURT. I was in pain, but I had drugs. Dental work is highway robbery, but that is another story for another time. I had them god awful bitches removed and it was so expensive. really fuckin’ expensive. oh, well. next subject. drugs. I have good ones. powerful ones. the ones that really knock out the pain. 

Thursday 3June2010.

wisdom teeth. still hurt. blood. gauze. gauze more gauze. hydrocodone. applesauce. yogurt. ice cream. damn there a lifetime supply. slept all day. my computer broke. took it to the Apple store for repairs. FREE REPAIRS. continue on about my day. 

Friday 4June2010.

packed. shopped. cleaned. packed. packed. tried to pack some more. mad passionate sex. (lol. i wish.) packed and packed some more.

Saturday 5June2010.

I woke up excited. I’d finished packing for New York the night before so I was pretty much ready to go. Cecil, my little brother’s dad took me to the airport because my mother had some business to take care of at the office and we had an interesting conversation. He was curious to know about my internship and how I got and we discussed the ins and outs of what I was to be doing. He didn’t really realize that I wanted to be a teacher coming out of college. Morehouse College. that is. also graduation came up and we debated the “value” of an education at HBCUs versus PWIs and it was quite interesting to say the least. anyways I went to the airport. check in. my bag was 70 pounds. crazy, but manageable to get by. I got by waited forever in that damn security check-in. lost my umbrella. my Morehouse ubrell

—-gotta run. be back. finish later. :D

Fuck this. I quit!

What’s next?

Nothing.

Nothing, but turmoil and strife.

With no one to depend on.

I guess this is what happens to those who are burdens in life…

Fuck this… I quit!

You afraid of it? I am…

anxiety. frustration.

….the shit I’m going through.

Do you really care to understand?

I haven’t “tumbl’d” in a long time, but I have some things I need to get off chest…

1. I’m tired. I’m tired of being judged. I’m tired of fake people. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of you. I’m tired of me. I’m tired of life. I wish there was a cure for the shit that I have been going through. Maybe the cure is disappearing.

DISAPPEARING. off the face of the Earth. For a while. Just me. No one else. Just me. God is welcome, too!!

You think you know me. I think I know me, but we’re both wrong. Life is all trial and error, so why worry about me when I fuck up, but no one is allowed to worry or harp on you when you do. Hypocrite.

I haven’t “tumbl’d” in a while so I guess this is what I have to say. I’m disappearing. for good!

I hate hearing bad things on the news. I do. It hurts my heart and tries to break my spirit. Yet, What can I do? I could drop everything and go help, but what help would I be? I could send some money, yet I don’t necessarily know that my money is going to the “correct” place. Not to be negative, but nowadays, we have to be real. Look at Katrina. on our own land. American soil. down in the South. and it took forever, a day, and an eternity to respond. Not being bitter and saying that Haiti doesn’t need our response. not saying that at all. but I’m really looking at this situation yearning to help, but not sure how.

#helpandprayforHaiti.